Many people I have worked with have shared finding themselves at the bottom of their list of priorities while they focus on looking after others – even at the expense of their own wellbeing. That type of experience often goes along with feelings of guilt when saying “no” and a sense of being selfish if you consider your own wants. If this resonates with you, you are not alone. I am passionate about helping people shake off the idea that considering their own wellbeing is a bad thing to do and I would love to hear from you if you notice this pattern in your life.

Common signs of having neglected our own wellbeing

Neglecting ourselves for the sake of helping others isn’t the same as being kind—it’s a pattern that can lead to significant emotional and relational distress. In fact, we can make room for more genuine kindness when we stop bending out of shape to please or help others.

Here are some challenges you might recognise:

• Anxiety and guilt: Feeling uneasy when considering your own needs or saying “no,” along with guilt or fear of disappointing others.
• Exhaustion: Trying to meet others’ requests, leading to exhaustion and a sense of being taken advantage of.
• Not knowing who you are: Neglecting your own needs and wants for the sake of harmony, resulting in a sense of confusion on who you are or what you want.
• Finding it hard to say “no”: Struggling to assert your limits, leading to resentment and unbalanced relationships.
• Fear of conflict: Avoiding disagreements to keep the peace, often at the expense of your own well-being.
• Unmet needs: Feeling unfulfilled and unseen, despite efforts to please others.
• Low self-esteem: Basing your self-worth on external validation, leading to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.

How I can help

If the list above feels familiar and you feel ready to explore this some more, I would love to hear from you. In therapy, our work might involve some of these things:

• Rediscovering who you are: Explore your needs, wants, values, and priorities, as well as identifying what you do not want in your life.
• Being able to say what you mean: Learn to assert your needs and wants confidently and respectfully, creating more balanced relationships.
• Becoming more accepting of yourself: Replace self-criticism with kindness and understanding, while taking full ownership of your actions.
• Managing conflict: Become better able to handle disagreements, improving personal and professional relationships.
• Increasing emotional awareness: Understand and manage your emotions to reduce anxiety and increase resilience.

If you want more information on whether we might be able to work together, please get in touch here.